agar dapat melukiskan hasratku, kekasihku,
taruh bibir-mu seperti bintang di langit kata-katamu,
ciuman dalam malam yang hidup,
dan deras lenganmu memeluk daku,
seperti suatu nyala bertanda kemenangan,
mimpiku pun berada dalam,
benderang abadi....
-ayat-ayat cinta
adakalanya, memang diri ini berperasaan takut. sesungguhnya jika apa yang diinginkan tidak tersampai, kerana sememangnya, hanya Tuhan sahaja yang menentukan sesuatu. manusia hanya merancang. hati ini setiap hari berdegak-degup ketakutan. pintu hidayah hanya Allah sahaja yang dapat menentukan. dan apakah ertinya jika seseorang itu memeluk agama ini tetapi jika tidak ikhlas? dan keikhlasan hati itu hanya dirinya mengetahui.. susah kan??? pening kepala...
it's not that im thinking twice now... im happy where we are now! at least situations are more clearer.. i really hope he meant what he says... soon.. but everything is so difficult. to start with i am difficult. infact i shd say he put in 200% into this relationship and i couldn't ask for more. everything i beam with happiness. even if we were to fight, it's cuz of me! differences! differences! differences!! its so difficult!!!!!! honestly, sometimes i feel i lose my strength and the battle.but he will pull me up. the way he talks things and assuarances! ahhhh is that what i really need? i dud knw. what i want is confirmation.
i always say, i dun believe in coincidences... things happen for a reason. lately, i analyze things through and i feel blessed and grateful that Allah guide me through every single step.not that im an all pious person, but i believe that Allah is there. and HE knows. i can pray and dua... i hope through my duas, i get what i want. and for some reason today i feel stronger knowing that i will do anything to find my way out of this maze and for my happiness. whatever it takes......
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